Today's Headlines Fox News Debate Questions 10/2/04

In an incredible act of bravery a member of the Fox News Team has turned over a list of the debate questions that are going to be used in the next debate. The questions were prepared by Fox News and are top secret.

* President Bush, before I ask you this question I just want to thank you for your strength and determination after September 11 and for executing a war on terror. The question Mr. President is this, everyone knows why Jesus Christ wants you to be reelected and everyone knows why the terrorists want Senator Kerry to win the election. My question sir, is why should Americans want you to be reelected.

* Senator Kerry, some people say that you were in fact born in France and that you are a French spy sent to undermine the American political system. Why should anyone believe your birth certificate which states that you were born in Colorado instead of these people?

* President Bush, before I ask this question I want to thank you for eliminating Saddam Hussein from power. I know that i sleep better at night knowing that I am safer. The question, sir, is this: what is the First Lady's favorite color?

* Senator Kerry everyone knows that the Democrats want to instill a godless homosexual state with no American flag and an abortion clinic on every corner and to make it illegal for decent law abiding Americans to purchase firearms to protect themselves from the criminals that have been let loose because of the Democrats policy of letting murderers loose rather than putting them to death; why then would anyone in their right mind vote for you? You have ten seconds to answer.

* Mr. President, on behalf of American workers I want to thank you for creating jobs by cutting through the bureaucratic red tape put in place by years of Democratic policies that have harmed workers by requiring overtime pay, a minimum wage, safety regulations, protections for union organizing, and other anti-job-growth policies. My question is this: do you understand how grateful all Americans are for your tremendous leadership in these trying times?

* Senator Kerry, some people say that you murdered your wife's previous husband to marry her for her money? Can you here tonight prove that you didn't?

* President Bush, you are so very handsome. My question is this, why haven't you rounded up the hippie freaks who don't support your anti-terror and economic policies of bankrupting the country and destroying the world?

* Senator Kerry, why are you such a flip-flopper? Aren't you a closeted homosexual? Didn't you burn seven American flags during anti-Vietnam protests? Cut his mike.

Back to Today's Headlines Archive

Copyright Lawrence D. Weinberg 2004