Today's Headlines 7/19/04

* Hillary Clinton was offered a speaking spot at the Republican National Convention. "Senator Clinton always energizes our base. With her being cut out of the Democratic Convention we saw this as a natural fit," said one Republican spokesman. Senator Clinton was offered a prime time speaking spot in between the memorial to Ronald Reagan and the surprise appearance of the soldiers who will capture Osama Bin Laden in October. Senator Clinton, however, turned down the spot in favor of a promise by the Kerry campaign to both simultaneously speak and not speak at the Democratic Convention.

* John Kerry announces stump speech. After months of being badgered by Democratic Party insiders, Senator Kerry has finally acquiesced and has written a stump speech. The speech, which Kerry will begin to deliver in late November, has not been released to the press. One party insider told a reporter that the speech will consist entirely of saying, "Yeah, what John Edwards said."

* THe Kerry campaign has filed lawsuits in all states with Republican governors and Republican secretaries of state to decertify the election results. When asked why the Kerry campaign had filed lawsuits even thought eh election had not occurred, a campaign spokesman noted that it would not have time to respond to the massive voter disenfranchisement it was expecting in November (or December) 2004. The Bush campaign did not seem bothered by the lawsuits and promptly filed its own lawsuits in the same states requiring that only President Bush and Ralph Nader be placed on the ballot. The Supreme Court by a five to four vote has held that the Kerry lawsuits are unconstitutional because they were not filed in all fifty states, while allowing the Bush lawsuit to proceed.

* Yasser Arafat's government was thrown into turmoil over the weekend as Arafat abruptly resigned in protest over not receiving his fair share of graft within the Palestinian Authority. Arafat refused to accept his own resignation and has ordered himself to stay on as President of the Palestinian Authority or face criminal sanctions.

* The Bush-Cheney campaigned accused John Edwards of lying to voters in Florida over the weekend. Over the weekend at St. Mark's A.M.E. Church in Orlando Edwards promised that the black voters of Florida would have their votes counted in the 2004 election. President Bush noted that he had spoken with his brother, Governor Jeb Bush of Florida and knew for certain that that was not going to happen.

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Copyright Lawrence D. Weinberg 2004