Today's Headlines 6/28/04

* The United States today invaded Iran and then immediately handed over sovereignty to Ayatollah Ali Khamenei and President Mohammad Khatami. "If only we had done this in Iraq we would have solved a lot of problems." one Bush administration spokesman said. "If only we had thought of this in Iraq." said Paul Bremer. The administration announced that it had been working on a plan to hand sovereignty to the existing Saudi monarchy without actually invading. President Bush marked the hand-over as he does all important victories in the War on terror by playing two rounds of golf.

* Bush administration announces plan to kill Democrats who register to vote. Plan will be modeled after Afghanistan system of voter registration.

* Supreme Court holds that sentences for all non-white collar crimes will be death. "The sentencing system in the US is unconstitutional and the only remedy is to have a unitary system where the death penalty is evenly applied." said Justice Antonin Scalia. The punishment for all white collar crimes will be having to read former President Clinton's autobiography.

* John Kerry announced today that his choice for Vice President was Dick Cheney.

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Copyright Lawrence D. Weinberg 2004